You're scrolling LinkedIn. Again.
That girl from your marketing class just got promoted. Your roommate from sophomore year is engaged. Someone you barely knew in college just posted about buying a house.
And you? You're not even sure if you like your job. You definitely don't know what you want to do for the next five years. And the idea of "having it all figured out" feels like a joke.
Here's what you need to hear:
The people who look like they have it all together on social? They're faking it too. Or they've chosen one narrow path and are hoping it works out. Or they're genuinely lucky. But they're not better than you. They're not smarter. They're not more capable.
They're just at a different place on a completely different path.
Loren Ragland is a licensed psychotherapist who specializes in working with young adults navigating exactly this phase of life. She works specifically with people dealing with anxiety, depression, and major life transitions.
And she has something radical to say about the pressure to have everything figured out:
"Certainty is a disease of the mind. You don't want to be completely certain all the time because that doesn't really give you the opportunity to expand and grow."
Let it sink in.
The thing you think you need (certainty, a clear path, the perfect plan) is actually the thing that would limit you.
"You're not going to have it all figured out at 20 something years old, and you shouldn't anyway," Loren continues. "I'm in my thirties and I'm still learning things about myself even in my career. It's a journey and you embrace the journey and the process. You don't just focus on the destination because that will limit you."
Stop treating uncertainty like failure. Start treating it like freedom.
Erinn Joyce has worked with Fortune 500 companies, startups, and nonprofits. She's navigated multiple industries and career transitions. And she's watched countless people torture themselves with comparison.
Her advice? "Don't ever judge yourself based on comparing yourself to other people. Everyone has different life experiences and that's what really makes us unique. There's no right or wrong way to navigate your career or your life."
Some people graduate and know exactly what they want to do. They follow that path, hit the milestones, make it look easy.
Others (most of us, actually) take a less direct route.
Erinn puts it this way: "I've had personal success at life and work by focusing on the present and what I can do today to set myself up for success tomorrow. We can plan for tomorrow and we can have goals. But focusing too much on the past or looking too much forward into the future is not healthy and it's a recipe for anxiety."
Focus on what you can control today. Not what everyone else is doing. Not where you "should" be by 25.
Lisa Marker Robbins has coached over 4,000 teens and young adults through college and career transitions. She's been featured in Forbes and US News. And she has a perspective that will change how you think about your career.
Between kindergarten and 12th grade, you spend about 16,000 hours in school. Add college and you're still under 20,000 hours total.
But here's the kicker: "You're gonna work for 95,000 hours until you retire."
95,000 hours.
Lisa continues: "This is a big enough commitment that it needs to be an informed decision, not left to chance. But you don't need to know what you're gonna do for all 95,000 hours."
You can't possibly know at 22 what you'll want to be doing at 45. Your values will change. Your interests will evolve. New industries will emerge. The world will be completely different.
So stop expecting yourself to pick the "right" path that will work for the next 70 years of your life.
Make a choice. Learn from it. Adjust as needed.
That's not failure. That's strategy.
Loren didn't start with her own practice. She didn't even know exactly what she wanted to do in the therapy field.
"I went into people's homes and conducted therapy there. I did that for several years, but I realized that wasn't for me. Then I worked with the elderly population. Great experience, just wasn't my niche. Then I worked in a psychiatric hospital."
Each role taught her something. Each experience narrowed down what she actually wanted.
"At that point I was like, let me take it a little bit further. And then I went into private practice, and I love the flexibility. I love being able to work with clients in the way that serves them best."
She didn't waste time in those other roles. She was researching.
What drains you? What energizes you? What populations do you connect with? What type of work makes you lose track of time?
You can't answer those questions from your college dorm room. You have to try things.
Here's the thing about LinkedIn and Instagram: you're seeing everyone's highlight reel.
That girl who got promoted? You don't see the 60-hour weeks or the mental health struggles or the fact that she's questioning whether this is even what she wants.
That person who seems so certain? They might be terrified they picked wrong and are doubling down to avoid admitting it.
That engagement announcement? You have no idea what their relationship is actually like behind closed doors.
Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes to everyone else's highlight reel.
You're on your own timeline. In your own story. Learning your own lessons.
Erinn says it perfectly: "There's no checklist of what makes you successful. You have to define that for yourself."
Here's your permission slip to stop having it all figured out:
1. Stop checking socials for a week. Seriously. Delete the app. See how you feel.
2. Write down three things you've learned about yourself in the past year. What do you like? What don't you like? What matters to you?
3. Ask yourself: "Am I making this decision because I want to, or because I think I should?" Be honest.
4. Tell one person: "I don't have it all figured out and that's okay." Say it out loud. Break the illusion that everyone else knows what they're doing.
5. Focus on today. What's one thing you can do today that sets you up for success tomorrow? Do that. Forget the 10-year plan.
One of these. This week. Give yourself permission to not know.
And most of all, trust yourself.
💜 Brianne
The pressure to have it all together is crushing. But Loren, Erinn, and Lisa are just three of 12 successful women who want you to know: your twenties are supposed to be messy.
In my new ebook, "NO ONE TOLD ME THIS: 12 Women Share the Secrets You Actually Need About Career, Money & Confidence," you'll get:
From Fortune 500 companies to Wall Street to private practice, these women have been exactly where you are.
Confused. Overwhelmed. Comparing themselves to everyone else.
And now they're sharing everything they learned along the way.
Get the free ebook here and stop expecting yourself to have it all figured out at 22.
Exploring is exactly what your twenties are for.