Choosing Your Partner Will Be the Biggest Decision You Make for Your Independence

The partner you choose will shape your independence more than any other decision in your life.

When I first heard this advice, it didn’t make much sense to me. My life was my life. My career was my career, not my spouse’s. But a couple decades in, I absolutely understand the sentiment.

After just one year into my relationship with my now-husband, I got a job offer in Cleveland, an hour from where we were living at the time. I knew I had to take the job to further my career. 

Rob decided on his own to move with me. He had to drive back to his old job for months as he searched for a more local role, but he was willing to make the sacrifice. For me. 

He never questioned my decision to move or asked me to stay in our hometown. He was supportive as I built a career for myself. 

The Types of Partners You Meet

Unfortunately, there are people who are threatened by a woman’s success. They think it makes them more manly to be the breadwinner, and if they are not, it emasculates them. He may give you a hard time about your job or anything that goes along with it, such as client dinners, travel or even happy hour with your colleagues. He may make small remarks that make you question your role within your company. This causes strife within their own lives and strife within the relationship.

Being in a relationship where your success is seen as a threat can slowly erode your confidence, making you question your worth both at home and in your career. This kind of toxicity can suffocate your ambitions and leave you feeling isolated in your journey.

Do not choose this person. 

Worse, there are people, mostly men, who are abusive. And this goes in more directions than physical. With physical abuse, there are marks. With verbal or financial abuse, there are no bruises so it is extremely difficult to admit, even to oneself. This could be crude remarks or comments that erode self esteem, It could be that this person controls the bank accounts or takes money his partner has earned. It could be the lack of access to transportation, or even the begrudging of his partner getting a job at all. 

I beg you, do not choose this person. 

Now let me tell you about the man I chose. 

He is kind. His love language is “acts of service.” He chooses to do kind things for me anytime he can. It may be as little as asking if I need anything from the kitchen when we are sitting in the family room watching a movie. Or it may be as big as driving my dog an hour to my parents before we leave town. It’s as consistent as him cooking dinner every night for our family, even though he has a full-time job. 

It's in these small, consistent acts that I feel his unwavering support.

We have built a level of comfort so deep that I am completely myself and he is completely himself. We don’t fear judgment from one another. This was important to me in so many ways; I never wanted to feel like I had to perform or not feel free in my own home. 

And most important to this conversation, he supports me. 

He loved me when I was a nanny making literally $12k a year, trying to figure out what my next move was going to be after I moved back to Ohio from NYC. And he loves me now that I make much more. 

He makes sure we split our duties at home so I can focus on my job. He encourages me with my side hustles, no matter how silly they seem. He genuinely is excited for me when I try something new, and he gives me the freedom to explore all the options. 

He is there to cheer me on. He is there to pick me up. Our visions around ambition may be different, but he respects my point of view, my decisions and my career, no matter what it may look like.

Your Independence Relies on Choosing a Partner Who Uplifts and Supports You

As you read this, take a moment to reflect on your own partnership. Does your partner lift you up or hold you back? Choosing the right person isn’t just about love—it's about choosing someone who believes in your dreams as much as you do.

Remember, independence doesn’t mean you’re alone in your journey; it means you’ve chosen someone who respects your space, your dreams, and your growth.

Life is full of choices, but few will impact your independence as much as the partner you choose. Choose wisely. Choose love, kindness, and unwavering support. Your future self will thank you.